| Pink and Blue for me and you |
[31 Jul 2004|10:24pm] |
I've been hanging around my dyke friend and I learned some new dykadellic terms like "pink" and "blue". Apparently, they used to use "butch" and "femme" but then categorizing lesbos into two vaginal categories is just not enough. By using colours, one can be more "pink" or more "blue" thus bringing you shades of these two colours like "baby blue" and "lavender". "Pink" is like total girly girl that eats pussy and "Blue" is Al the mechanic who likes to grunt, spit and wear strap on dicks. Everything else is in between... I dunno. I think the "butch" and "femme" was a lot more simple to follow. Good thing, I like cock!
I did learn a new term for pussy as well... Its "snaj". I watched Queer as Folk Season One with my dyke friend and I never caught that "snaj" term that Brian Kinney used in the room all the lesbians when that blond lesbianca gave birth to Brian Kinney's baby. I think watching QAF with a dyke made me listen to the dialogue more than when I'm watching alone with a dildo up my snaj! Rocks!
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| I ME LDIFIC |
[23 Jul 2004|12:01am] |
Last night, Jay Santos, club owner and columnist for a major daily, tells me that he just watched Imelda and that I should go see it. He was all "You're so Imeldific. You have to watch it, it reminded me of you." So, I saw it tonight. WTF?! I'm not that stoopid. I may have my moments of non-drug-induced-spaced-out-clueless-ditzyness but I don't have really weird theories involving computers and creation. I have very practical lessons that I like to impart on my friends when they are in need of some help dealing with whatever problem they have in life. Also, I know how to count. Apparently, Mrs. Marcos' 9 steps to happiness or whatever had 10 steps. I wouldn't mind having 3000 pairs of shoes though.
Maybe there are a few things that are kinda parallel, like I have this little saying that I use every now and then "I only have pretty friends because if I'm to hang out and talk to anyone, they might as well be pleasing to my eyes. But, of course, it doesn't mean that there are ugly people because someone ugly to me may be totally hot in Burundi. And I may be totally ugly in China because there is just way too much chinks there." I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting everything and everyone around you to be beautiful.
Some parts of the movie made me totally teary, I felt like a fucking idiot getting all emotional, I think its almost time for rag season again. Watching the whole Ninoy and Marcos thing made me think of all the friends and relatives who were greatly affected by Martial Law and the whole Edsa Revolution thing. It was a little difficult to watch, even if I have almost no recollection of that period in time. Watching the movie gave me mixed up feelings about Imelda. I think I'd rather just not think about it.
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| Breaking news. |
[19 Jul 2004|07:47pm] |
I have AIDS. I got it from watching too much Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. That shit is funny and informative. You can get so many awesome tips from the Fag 5.
Seriously, I've been out of it for the last month and a half 'cause I've been dating. WTF is wrong with me?! It fucking sucks. I feel all caring and shit. I have feelings. I'm a woman. Crap.
In the last 2 years, all of my dates last a day. Actually, they last for less than 24 hours. Most of them go psycho on me and I have to beat them down with a dildo. Dood! I'm in fucking highschool, I'm all nauseous, giddy and horny. I don't get him too. I'm a bitch and he fucking takes the shit I dish! What's up with that?! Also, its been a month and a half and I haven't had to use a prybar. I'm freaking out. I feel like hurling. I need a massage. I wanna beat up a masseuse. I want cheeseballs. Is this love?
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| PHAGOPHOBIA |
[15 Jul 2004|12:18pm] |
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The fear of being eaten. Hahahaha. Isn't that just the funniest thing you've ever heard? That made my fucking day!
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| Gua be ki lo... |
[01 Jul 2004|05:33am] |
Apologies to all my funkdoobiest elchay buddies. Let's smoke a big one. I haven't been able to update because I've been busy with work. Well, not just work. I haven't had much to write about. Okay, I lied. I have plenty to write about but I've been a fat lazy bitch. *snicker*
I mean, working for a shitty company, you'd think I'd be having a blast telling you how the boss man here in Manila, who happens to be American born Czech, walks around the office looking like he just got out of bed and smells like an old mattress. He also has pits that smell like undooshed vagina eventhough they have no hair. But he does like to walk around in tight sleeveless shirts and show off his ripped (Ripped is workoutese for "having muslces with definition") bod, which kinda makes up for the stinky pit thing as long as he stays a few metres away. Its like, when I see him across the office, I feel all "Hi! I want your cock up my punani" but when he gets closer its like, "Hi, gimme a gas mask and I want your cock up my punani."
Honestly, the office is disgusting, I think I've spent more on Lysol, Green Cross rubbing alcohol with moisturizer and allergy ointments than they pay me. My pampered yellow Asian skin is easily affected by dirt. I am a fucking fairy princess, just ask Queer Charles. I'm allergic to anything dirty like your asshole and yo'momma. But every month the cute and GAY country manager from the U.S., who is American and apparently smells nice, probably because he's a faggot and faggots like to pretend they have vaginas and doosh, comes over to the P.I. and he'd invite me to dance in his hotel room, just the two of us. We'd have a bit of wine, nice polite conversation, a little flirting, I'd give him a hand job, call him "Joe", ask him for some dollars to buy cheapo bling from Saudi. Then he'd get really upset, because he's a cry baby fag, and I'd be content. Upsetting the Country Manager always makes work worth dealing with.
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| Fly Fat Ass Fly! |
[24 Jun 2004|10:35pm] |
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I'm geting fat! I'm getting ugly allergy bumps on my creamy yellow skin. LJ keeps fucking up my entries. Fuck you.
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| Oh yeah! |
[15 Jun 2004|01:33am] |
| How to make a aminal378 |
Ingredients:
5 parts success
1 part brilliance
3 parts instinct |
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little curiosity if desired! |
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| I am one hot mother fucker |
[15 Jun 2004|12:47am] |
So, someone offered to produce a segment with me in it on some ABSCBN fitness show that is hosted by some old lady who thinks she knows what she's doing. The segment is supposed to be about call centres and being hot. How does one stay mouth-watery-delicious and work in a call fucking centre? That kind of sweet deal. And they wanted to get my toned-high-pilates-booty because I am so fucking hot.
I had to decline though because I can't stand the bitch that hosts the show. I read her column in the paper a few times and she's a fucking dumbass bitch. She's serioulsy off her rocking chair. Her stoopidness used to be part of our Tuesday discussions in the Fitness First Salcedo Village Lounge. I remember this one article she wrote about television sets in front of the cardio machines (i.e. rotex, glidex, treadmill, etc.). She was bitching about how its the stoopidest idea and that you can't concentrate on running when watching tv. I was like, this bitch is dumb 'cause she can't run and watch t.v. at the same time. What a fucking joke?! And she's old and wrinkly. I don't wanna look like her. Maybe that's why they want my bootyliciousness over there. Get a Botox bitch!
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| Still Crap... |
[31 May 2004|11:23pm] |
Who's the dumbass? I'm the fucking dumbass blonde who got drunk Saturday night 'cause my ex-muthafucka was in Mamma last Saturday. You know I looked all hard with my Wallbanger Martini in hand but I was fucking bleeding. Do you see this? This blood?! No, you can't. No one can. But its there. I wasn't even in the mood to do my queer regimen of Pilates today. I went on Rockwell retail therapy. Then smoked a lot of cigarettes and ate gyros with really hot hot sauce 'cause I thought that the pain from the burning (spice and I don't mix very well) would make me forget that my pussy of a heart was crushed and char-broiled to a crisp. GOD!? Someone please stuff cheeseballs up my nose, grab my hair, spin me around and slam me into a wall. Fuck!
I arrived late for work 'cause I came from Tita Chels' house. Queer Charles dropped by to get me a little gift. He gave me Beyonce Live at Wembley. Awesome timing too. I needed to feel a little better. Beyonce is so fucking hot. I'm so into that pussy. I'd fuck her then I'd steal her clothes. Hahaha. Yeah!
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| Ugh... |
[29 May 2004|12:33am] |
The sngot mongster has, wongs again, ped me a bisit. I ad to gall in zick yeterday because I wasdn'd feeling well and indead ob going do work, I wend do Napoli's for Jomama's mertnay ninner. Then we wend do Bed to dink and be gay.
I am ad werk and ab zick and I can'd dink. Dad's zo.
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[27 May 2004|05:24am] |
whoa oh oh oh oh...
Hangin' Tough...
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| When I say 'Hey!' You say 'Ho?' |
[27 May 2004|05:09am] |
Here I am cutting my nails at work when one of the "bosses", the cute one, from the US-of-mutha-fuckin'-A IMs me to stop calling him hunny. So, I started calling him 'Love'. He doesn't mind that. He said its very unprofessional for me to be calling him 'hunny'. WTF?! I told him that I thought we threw out that professional asscrap when we were bumpin' & grindin' & freakin' on the dance floor over at drug-laden-Halo. Well, whatever?! Fuck it. I'll call him whatever I like and he can fire my fine ass or fuck it. Really. He could. I'd let him.
Then I diverted the conversation to something I am very passionate about. I don't know if I'e ever posted about this passion of mine. Its called stain removal. I love fucking stain removal, almost as much as you love fingering your koochie. Removing stain from facrics, counter-tops, or wherever is shizzling hot. I get all hard thinking of ways to remove stains. When you're working all hard rubbing ice cubes on the bubble gum that got stuck on the basement carpet, to make the rubber all stiffie. I swear, I get all heated up. When you get that stain out, holy Tori fucking Spelling orgasmic explosions. I gotta smoke a cigarette.
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| More work shit |
[13 May 2004|02:06am] |
5 fucking weeks into my 'JOB' and the boss says "Tomorrow, you go on graveyard. You've had too much training." WTF?! The training period is 3 months asswipe and I'm barely past the first. Dood, this job is awesome but bossman gives me the squirts.
Earlier, I used my phone to vote for Jasmine Trias, who, by the way, has a bitchload of websites now. Just a week ago she had nil. I couldn't find anything about her and now you can find what kind of douche she uses on her stinky kooch. Anyway, I called that 1-866-IDOLS-01 like 50 times. After that, I called my buddy in NYC and we were on that shit for more than an hour. This is why Queer Charles calls me the employee from hell. Fuck dood, I took this job for free long distance. I'm a cheap ass bastard.
I found out that my friend, Alvin, one of the reasons I took this job, quit like 2 days ago. The fucker is moving to Shanghai 'cause we're getting all Californicated over here in the P.I. with our MSG free Chinese restaurants. Shanghai is fucking awesome. I'd move there if I knew how to speak Chinese, ride a bike and spit in a bucket. Also, the HR girl will be handing in her resignation. This company is messed up, but do I give a shit?! Hell no. Just as long as they don't get all up in my business. And right now, no one's stepping up to me. The fucking shift managers are afraid of me too, so its all good.
Oh, get this...They were asking me for an TIN & SSS number?! Hahahaha. Do I look like a fucking taxpayer? Its a fucking scam. The government takes money from you to buy rolex wathces for their bitches in Lexus and Legende. I've seen it happen. I told accounting to go on deducting money. I told them to use it to buy decent toilet paper, preferably 4-ply type with the butterfly quilting. That would make everyone's assholes happy.
Okay, so I can finally stay up at late again. This is fucking wicked. I also have cheese flavoured ice cream. Life is good. I'm gonna go smoke a whole lot and celebrate.
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| Inky dinky doo doo... |
[10 May 2004|02:58pm] |
Is this wretched ink not supposed to come off?! All I have here in the office with me is soap, water and scotch. None of it works. If I knew that my fingernails would get so 'fuck me' dirty, I would have used some else's digit. It's disgusting. Fuck, we should all finger FPJ with it. Maybe it will give him an std. Something that will kill him in a week would be good. Dood. Please...Anyone but FPJ. Shit I can't type. Its so fucking nasty, I can't stand to look at it. To think, I went for a salt scrub yesterday and I feel all cleansed today too. I seriously hope Ping wins. This inking is just way too much effort on my part.
Everyone vote for Ping. He's the bomb, the ram, the shiznit, the man. He's kinda cute too. And he smells good. Hygiene is very important. And this finger does not look hygienic at all. Fuck this.
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| Yellow brick road |
[07 May 2004|05:21pm] |
Once again, I was at Bed Thursday night. I think there was some kind of fag thing happening 'cause there were all these fags around and I knew about 90% of 'em. This saddens my clit because it will be getting none from homos. What's with the Metro Manila faggots anyway? Why the fuck were they all there? Even Queer Charles was there being all sober and looking like he just got out of some chic and fabulous rehab in his new shiny designer duds. Maybe, its like hunting season, or mating season for the homogenized community. I didn't really care though. I was in my own little world. I was on an American fucking Idol high. Dood, it was fucking amazing. I went to Bed right after watching the Barry Manilow episode on Star World and I was totally into Jasmine Trias' rendition of Dionne Warwick's I'll Never Love This Way Again. And, of course, I was still belting out Camile Velasco's Yellow Brick Road 'cause Camile is just fucking hot. She sucked on Idol but I'd fucking sleep with her and eat her pussy too. I save the eating out for special people like Camile and Beyonce and Alicia Keys.
So, I was rocking out my tunes while walking to VIP when who do I run into? My girl, Jaya and her bitch, Regine. Seriously, I just kept singing though 'cause it would be weird if I stopped. Jaya is used to my non-stop performances but Reg isn't. Dood, I was afraid she was thinking that I wanted to audition for her cheap-ass-copy-of-American-Idol-show. That would be so fucking embarrassing its not even funny. But I told her "Girlfriend, don't you think I'm pretty?", I think my onglish ispeakingness was a bit too fast for her 'cause Jaya had to repeat it to her. Well, whatever the case, she just kept complimenting my skin and that I was a total betty. So, I dig her now. She knows I'm prettier than she is (and everything on my face is real, at least until I'm about 30. When creases and lines show up, its 'Hello doctor'). Reg hunny, admiration makes you my best friend.
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| Yes Boss... |
[06 May 2004|06:26pm] |
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Hey Joe! Here I am at the office. I thought my cuntiliciousness was fired when I skipped out on work last Friday and this Monday. I had the worst fucking hangover since my last worst fucking hangover and I was in no mood to work. With my awesome fucking luck the bosses, the four white guys, the 2 fags, 1 fag stag and 1 old fart, were gonna do interviews and ass crack inspections. When I learned about this, I walked out of the office, and headed to Puerto Galera. Dood, I thought I was fired for sure. But apparently, my pussy is way too valuable to this fucking company.
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| Dumbelle |
[29 Apr 2004|08:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 horny |
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You should try sticking a dumbell up your vagina. The Nike ones will work the best 'cause its ribbed for more pleasure. Working on that muscle control with weights will help you launch ping pong balls across a room. If that becomes too easy, try golf balls and work your way up to bowling balls. Hahaha. Yeah! That would be fucking awesome. Did you see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert with that Filipino hooker blasting ping pong balls out of her punani? That shit is inspiring.
I was at Powerplant mall today and I am a shopping loser. Whenever ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) _darra_ is in the country, she and I go shopping together and whoever buys the most articles of clothing is crowned the shopping champion. I would so lose that right now. I am the shopping fucking loser biyatch. I tried on so many outfits on and none of them fit right. Everything was just way too big?! WTF?! I'm 6 feet tall yo! Nothin' fit me...How do the smaller folk find clothes? Oddly enough, Darra has the opposite problem. She's also larger than your typical Filipino woman and her problem is everything is too short or too small. Dood, that is just so wrong. Clothes shops here are just fucked up. The weird thing is Darra's German husband is almost always the shopping champion. Uhm. So, our clothes fit white guys. I think its a racial thing huh?! Its probably white people who designed the clothes and that's why they only fit white folk. Fucked up shit right there. But it makes sense huh? Fuck the white man. Fuck 'em good. Stick it up their tender asses. Shove it baby, shove it! I digress... I am sad. I did not buy anything.
Speaking of white men, two of my colleagues from the USA are here. They are both gay. I mean, they really are gay which is awesome 'cause I love gay men. They are so deeeeelishoos. The company I work for is US based and 90% of the people in the USA are fucking gay. Isn't that the shit?! I'm getting all wet just thinking about them. Rawr...
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| Working through it... |
[27 Apr 2004|01:11pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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There's one thing I learned about working on weekdays. It makes you party the fuck out of your punani on weekends. I'm a fucking golden god. I went to Bed, Friday night, and dood, darunk bitch right here. Ledge dancing bitch sans the bra. I was dancing all fucking night with sodanglonely, just_joma and some other peeps. Working has given me reason to enjoy clubbing again. I got home and the sun was already burning my eyes. Awesome shit!
Saturday night, I ate marijuana with my office mates, smoked marijuana with my office mates, ate more marijuana with my office mates and smoked more muthafucking marijuana at Flesh. My office mates rock the fucking, well, office.
I was at the office party at 7pm. I was drinking since 7-fucking-pm to 530am. Flesh wasn't as awesome but I was too fucking baked to care about the uglies anyway. I do remember moki, sodanglonely, shoe_be_doo, godsnotdoneyet, priapus, saint_francois and just_joma being there. Homo festivities bring 'em all together.
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